A confession and a hope

First, I want to talk about the purpose of this blog. The blog is part confessional, but more than that I hope it can be of help to other followers of the One whom I'm trying to follow: Jesus, the Christ.

I just turned 76, so much of my ministry is viewed not so much with anticipation but with memory and reflection.

I still preach, do interim and supply ministry, and try my hand at writing. I do some coaching of ministers, especially in the area of preaching. I have been the pastor of several churches, taught preaching and concluded my formal ministerial life as the Dean and then Professor of Preaching and Church Leadership at the Gardner-Webb School of Divinity. I am in that season of life when the phone calls for me to do something in the church are fewer. I liked it much better when I was at the ages when I felt more wanted. Don't tell me to take up a hobby such as golf. I tried it when I was younger, didn't like it, and so I'm not going there.

I have other things that I like to do, for example, I'm a member of a gym where I go to try and keep body and soul together and where my friends and I talk about sports, politics, religion, and the parts of our bodies that are hurting the most. I enjoy going out with my wife and taking care of our son, who was disabled by a very serious illness when he was 10, and now at 46 still lives with Diane and me. David, despite his limitations, teaches me the values of kindness and concern for others.

That is certainly enough about me for now. What's the intent of this blog? Some years ago, I heard Dr. Fred Craddock, probably the most formative figure in homiletics in the 20th century, conclude a sermon with the words, "Leave the rest to God." I incorporated what Craddock said into a benediction that I have often used. I changed a few words, but it is so similar to Craddock's that I still give him the credit.

"Leave the rest to God." That doesn't mean that God does "the rest" while I do little or nothing.

I'm grateful that I've had some success in my ministry. Each church where I have been pastor has grown in all the measurable ways, and I hope that the congregations have grown spiritually. Obviously, I've had great help from staff colleagues and wise lay people.

Here's the issue. I've been running "scared" most of my life in ministry. Some of it is a result of family of origin issues, which I'll share in another post. Interestingly, I was shaped heavily in my ministry by pastoral care courses. The reality that I have preached has been built on God's unconditional love and acceptance. But the reality that I have often lived was about me, and the constant worry about "What if I fail?". "What if I don't live up to what other people expect of me?"

Here's the problem. What if the reality that we espouse is not the reality that we are living? What if I tell people that God loves you and me, but I'm never sure about "me"?

In Matthew's gospel, what we call "The Lord's Prayer" talks about adoring and trusting God. Deep inside me, I do believe that God can be trusted; however, I want to believe that is more than just a proposition. I want to believe that is the fundamental reality of my life.

"Leaving the rest to God". Sounds great from the pulpit, but what if the reality of my life is filled with fear and anxiety about how I am doing? What if people knew that I was often frightened that I was not really good enough?

It's a journey, and I need and want you to go with me as we travel this road. This is the benediction that I wrote and that Fred Craddock inspired. I leave this with you until the next time that we talk.

Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly,
Pray daily,
And... then leave the rest to God.