Great Is Thy Faithfulness
When I started attending a Baptist church, I discovered the power of hymns. Songs like "Amazing Grace" and "Great is Thy Faithfulness" became embedded in my memory and helped to shape and strengthen my faith.
This is a time when we used hymnbooks, which says something about my age and generation. The important thing is that the words of the older hymns became a part of the fabric of my life. Especially, in difficult times, I would reach into the barrel of my memories and pull out the phrase of the hymn that would give me balance when I felt off-balance.
I know that today in many churches, screens have replaced hymnbooks, but as for me and my house, give us a well-worn hymnal and ask us to turn to a song like "Great is Thy Faithfulness".
While I thought that I knew the message of this hymn, it was in the fall of 1984, that some pain in my life and pain in the life of my family opened me to a deeper meaning of "faithfulness". In 1984, I was the senior pastor of the First Baptist Church, Augusta, Georgia. For almost two years I had been the senior minister, which had been an extremely stressful time. Our 10 year old son, David, had been diagnosed in February, 1983, with a malignant brain tumor.
David had been through several surgeries including an 11 hour operation at Pittsburgh Children's Hospital. Diane, my wife, had stayed in Pittsburgh with David for several weeks after his surgery. I was flying between Augusta and Pittsburgh to work at the church and to check on our 13 year old daughter, Laura Beth. Fortunately, Diane's mother was staying with Laura Beth. Our main concern was that in the midst of the dislocation and grief our family was experiencing, that we stayed in touch with each other, and we tried to care for each other. As a chaplain friend reminded me, in times of crisis, we need to focus not only on the identified patient but also to be aware that everyone in the family is suffering. I knew that Diane was feeling the deepest kind of grief, but at the same time, because of her faith, she continued to be the center of gravity for our family.
When David and Diane returned to Augusta, we began a series of 36 radiation treatments for David. This included both radiating his head as well as his spinal column in case the cancer had metastasized.
Fortunately, David's tumor responded well to the treatments. The sadness for us was that the tumor and the treatments radically changed David's emotional, mental, and physical functioning. Our outgoing son, who did well in school and in sports, was now a different child. What he kept was his kindness and sensitivity that have blessed us through the years. Unable to work outside the home, David is now 46 and lives with Diane and me.
The church family at First Baptist, Augusta supported us in so many ways. At the same time that all of us was happening with David, I had to make some difficult decisions regarding some staff changes in the church. Rather than asking a committee or another group of people to take the leadership in this, I decided that it would be best for me to meet with each one of the staff individually. I felt that if the church members took charge of these changes, it would run the risk of people's becoming angry with each other. While I didn't enjoy it, I preferred that the anger be directed at me. As Dr. John Claypool, my friend and mentor, once reminded me, "There is no painless way to do painful things."
One of the things that I decided to do was not to share with others in the church my reasons for the decision. Many people probably had some idea of the reasons, but I thought it would be unfair for me to be presenting my case in public and saying anything negative about staff members who had given many years of their lives to the work of First Baptist. I really was asking the church to trust me. Again, there is no painless way to do painful things.
Through David's illness and through the changes in the church, I had held steady and focused on what I thought needed to be done. Also, I thought that I had a responsibility to our search committees to work with them as we called new people to our church staff. What I wasn't sensitive to was that I was making withdrawals on my emotional bank account without making any deposits.
On that Sunday morning in 1984, it all hit me as I came to worship. I was depressed and emotionally bankrupt. Our minister of music announced that the first hymn was, "Great is Thy Faithfulness". As the church members sang and I mumbled the words, it dawned on me that what ultimately mattered was not the size of my sometimes fragile faith, but rather it was God's unchanging faithfulness to me. For so much of my ministry, I had operated out of my own energy and whatever faith I had in God. That morning in 1984, my own faith was so small that I wondered how I could even preach. That morning I did preach, realizing perhaps in a way that I had never realized before, that what I was doing as a minister was a "God thing" and not a "Chuck thing". Ministers have to do and say some things that are painful both to others and to themselves. On that morning, I was simply depleted and needed some kind of strength and faithfulness beyond what I possessed.
As far as I know, there's no book that tells ministers what to do in every situation. God knows that despite my best intentions, I have done some things well and some things not so well. In the worship service that morning, I realized in a new way that God wasn't looking at me and saying, "It's up to you!" I was looking to God and saying, "God, it's up to You!" My flawed vessel is Yours.
I'm feeling depleted. I don't even know why.... "Great is Thy Faithfulness." And then... leave the rest to God.
I don't have the faith that I need.... "Great is Thy Faithfulness." And then... leave the rest to God.
I want to give up. Good idea! "Great is Thy Faithfulness." And then... leave the rest to God.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly,
Pray daily,
And then... leave the rest to God.
This is a time when we used hymnbooks, which says something about my age and generation. The important thing is that the words of the older hymns became a part of the fabric of my life. Especially, in difficult times, I would reach into the barrel of my memories and pull out the phrase of the hymn that would give me balance when I felt off-balance.
I know that today in many churches, screens have replaced hymnbooks, but as for me and my house, give us a well-worn hymnal and ask us to turn to a song like "Great is Thy Faithfulness".
While I thought that I knew the message of this hymn, it was in the fall of 1984, that some pain in my life and pain in the life of my family opened me to a deeper meaning of "faithfulness". In 1984, I was the senior pastor of the First Baptist Church, Augusta, Georgia. For almost two years I had been the senior minister, which had been an extremely stressful time. Our 10 year old son, David, had been diagnosed in February, 1983, with a malignant brain tumor.
David had been through several surgeries including an 11 hour operation at Pittsburgh Children's Hospital. Diane, my wife, had stayed in Pittsburgh with David for several weeks after his surgery. I was flying between Augusta and Pittsburgh to work at the church and to check on our 13 year old daughter, Laura Beth. Fortunately, Diane's mother was staying with Laura Beth. Our main concern was that in the midst of the dislocation and grief our family was experiencing, that we stayed in touch with each other, and we tried to care for each other. As a chaplain friend reminded me, in times of crisis, we need to focus not only on the identified patient but also to be aware that everyone in the family is suffering. I knew that Diane was feeling the deepest kind of grief, but at the same time, because of her faith, she continued to be the center of gravity for our family.
When David and Diane returned to Augusta, we began a series of 36 radiation treatments for David. This included both radiating his head as well as his spinal column in case the cancer had metastasized.
Fortunately, David's tumor responded well to the treatments. The sadness for us was that the tumor and the treatments radically changed David's emotional, mental, and physical functioning. Our outgoing son, who did well in school and in sports, was now a different child. What he kept was his kindness and sensitivity that have blessed us through the years. Unable to work outside the home, David is now 46 and lives with Diane and me.
The church family at First Baptist, Augusta supported us in so many ways. At the same time that all of us was happening with David, I had to make some difficult decisions regarding some staff changes in the church. Rather than asking a committee or another group of people to take the leadership in this, I decided that it would be best for me to meet with each one of the staff individually. I felt that if the church members took charge of these changes, it would run the risk of people's becoming angry with each other. While I didn't enjoy it, I preferred that the anger be directed at me. As Dr. John Claypool, my friend and mentor, once reminded me, "There is no painless way to do painful things."
One of the things that I decided to do was not to share with others in the church my reasons for the decision. Many people probably had some idea of the reasons, but I thought it would be unfair for me to be presenting my case in public and saying anything negative about staff members who had given many years of their lives to the work of First Baptist. I really was asking the church to trust me. Again, there is no painless way to do painful things.
Through David's illness and through the changes in the church, I had held steady and focused on what I thought needed to be done. Also, I thought that I had a responsibility to our search committees to work with them as we called new people to our church staff. What I wasn't sensitive to was that I was making withdrawals on my emotional bank account without making any deposits.
On that Sunday morning in 1984, it all hit me as I came to worship. I was depressed and emotionally bankrupt. Our minister of music announced that the first hymn was, "Great is Thy Faithfulness". As the church members sang and I mumbled the words, it dawned on me that what ultimately mattered was not the size of my sometimes fragile faith, but rather it was God's unchanging faithfulness to me. For so much of my ministry, I had operated out of my own energy and whatever faith I had in God. That morning in 1984, my own faith was so small that I wondered how I could even preach. That morning I did preach, realizing perhaps in a way that I had never realized before, that what I was doing as a minister was a "God thing" and not a "Chuck thing". Ministers have to do and say some things that are painful both to others and to themselves. On that morning, I was simply depleted and needed some kind of strength and faithfulness beyond what I possessed.
As far as I know, there's no book that tells ministers what to do in every situation. God knows that despite my best intentions, I have done some things well and some things not so well. In the worship service that morning, I realized in a new way that God wasn't looking at me and saying, "It's up to you!" I was looking to God and saying, "God, it's up to You!" My flawed vessel is Yours.
I'm feeling depleted. I don't even know why.... "Great is Thy Faithfulness." And then... leave the rest to God.
I don't have the faith that I need.... "Great is Thy Faithfulness." And then... leave the rest to God.
I want to give up. Good idea! "Great is Thy Faithfulness." And then... leave the rest to God.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly,
Pray daily,
And then... leave the rest to God.
Dr. Bugg, I remember that time that you were going through. I knew that you had to make some staff changes and all ways thought it was unfair for you to take the blame. But that is the way you were putting God and our church first. Their are 3 people who has helped me in my relationship with Jesus. You, Patty Fowler and Will Dyer. Without all 3 of y'all I do not know how my Christian life would have turned out. If anyone ever doubted that their was a God that was erased when you came to First Baptist Church of Augusta.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely witness. Thank you!
ReplyDelete