For Ministers and Those Who Care About Ministers: Not Everybody Likes You or Me
I have to tell you something about me. I would like for you and everybody else to like me. In college I was president of my sophomore and junior classes and my senior year, I was president of the student government. What I remember most, though, is that I didn't get all the votes.
In seminary I was vice president of the student body my second year and president of the student body my third year. Do you know what I recall the most? I didn't get all the votes.
Remember, my vocational aspiration was to become a minister. I was going to lead a united band of congregants as we marched together to Zion. I was in seminary finishing my second degree. I had a successful student pastorate and couldn't wait until the phone started ringing with people wanting me to come to their churches. What you hear is the sound of silence. A church in Tennessee did contact me, but when the church sent me the list of questions, I knew this would never work.
Finally I was contacted by a church in Florida. That's my home state, and the church was near the beach. I knew God wanted me there.
Diane, my wife, our two year old daughter and a son who was three months from being born flew from Kentucky to meet the people and for me to preach a trial sermon. The people were nice, and I thought that the sermon went well. When I met with the search committee, I could tell that we had some serious issues. "What do you think about dispensationalism", a man asked. You don't need to know about "dispensationalism", but my mind raced back to my high school days, and the Scofield Reference Bible somebody had given me.
C.I. Scofield had written notes at the bottom of each page of scripture and Scofield's devotees considered the notes as inspired as the Bible. The committee interrogated me about the Scofield Bible. I told them I had many problems with Scofield and wouldn't be preaching from that version.
They wondered about my age, and whether I was mature enough to be the pastor of their church. How interesting that for awhile you were too young then you hit your "sweet spot" about 35 and before you know it, you're over the hill.
After the interview, our family flew back to our seminary apartment in Louisville, and I wondered if I would ever get a church. On the following Wednesday night, the church voted on my coming, and the chair of the committee called me. "I'm glad to tell you, Chuck, that you received 82% of the vote." "That really doesn't sound like much," I said. To this day, I recall the exact words of Bernard Edenfield, the chair of the committee. Bernie responded, "Chuck, this church is so divided, the Apostle Paul couldn't get more than 82% of the vote." I would have felt better if he had said Jesus couldn't get more than 82% of the vote, but I suppose Paul is a good runner up. After he called I looked at my daughter, and my "very great with child" wife and I said, "Bernie, we'll be there the middle of June."
I didn't even say, "I'll pray about it." Sometimes, desperation preempts prayer. We moved to the church. The first month we had three "Scofield couples" leave. I kept thinking, "I'm doing worse than I ever did in college and seminary politics."
Would you believe that after the initial "bump", we put "dispensationalism" to bed, and the church grew in numbers and in spirit.
Now, I want to share just a few reasons that people may not like you or me.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly,
Pray daily,
And then... leave the rest to God.
In seminary I was vice president of the student body my second year and president of the student body my third year. Do you know what I recall the most? I didn't get all the votes.
Remember, my vocational aspiration was to become a minister. I was going to lead a united band of congregants as we marched together to Zion. I was in seminary finishing my second degree. I had a successful student pastorate and couldn't wait until the phone started ringing with people wanting me to come to their churches. What you hear is the sound of silence. A church in Tennessee did contact me, but when the church sent me the list of questions, I knew this would never work.
Finally I was contacted by a church in Florida. That's my home state, and the church was near the beach. I knew God wanted me there.
Diane, my wife, our two year old daughter and a son who was three months from being born flew from Kentucky to meet the people and for me to preach a trial sermon. The people were nice, and I thought that the sermon went well. When I met with the search committee, I could tell that we had some serious issues. "What do you think about dispensationalism", a man asked. You don't need to know about "dispensationalism", but my mind raced back to my high school days, and the Scofield Reference Bible somebody had given me.
C.I. Scofield had written notes at the bottom of each page of scripture and Scofield's devotees considered the notes as inspired as the Bible. The committee interrogated me about the Scofield Bible. I told them I had many problems with Scofield and wouldn't be preaching from that version.
They wondered about my age, and whether I was mature enough to be the pastor of their church. How interesting that for awhile you were too young then you hit your "sweet spot" about 35 and before you know it, you're over the hill.
After the interview, our family flew back to our seminary apartment in Louisville, and I wondered if I would ever get a church. On the following Wednesday night, the church voted on my coming, and the chair of the committee called me. "I'm glad to tell you, Chuck, that you received 82% of the vote." "That really doesn't sound like much," I said. To this day, I recall the exact words of Bernard Edenfield, the chair of the committee. Bernie responded, "Chuck, this church is so divided, the Apostle Paul couldn't get more than 82% of the vote." I would have felt better if he had said Jesus couldn't get more than 82% of the vote, but I suppose Paul is a good runner up. After he called I looked at my daughter, and my "very great with child" wife and I said, "Bernie, we'll be there the middle of June."
I didn't even say, "I'll pray about it." Sometimes, desperation preempts prayer. We moved to the church. The first month we had three "Scofield couples" leave. I kept thinking, "I'm doing worse than I ever did in college and seminary politics."
Would you believe that after the initial "bump", we put "dispensationalism" to bed, and the church grew in numbers and in spirit.
Now, I want to share just a few reasons that people may not like you or me.
- We may never know. Maybe we remind them of an uncle or aunt they didn't like. You and I are not going to get 100%.
- Some people don't like "authority figures". No matter how kind and caring you and I may try to be, a minister is an authority figure.
- Sometimes we have things about us that annoy and irritate people. We can work to be less annoying, but the fact is that we probably will never get rid of all the things that irritate some people.
- Every church is different, with a variety of people. Believe it or not, some like power and control and like to have things their own way.
- Each church has her own history and traditions. You may not like all of them. Don't try to change everything the first year and then learn to appreciate the reasons that the church holds to these ways of doing things.
- Finally, listen to negative criticism but don't take it home if you decide it's coming from a person's anger, and it's not really designed to help you. Some people feel that they have to get everything off their chests. I had to make a difficult decision at a church where I was pastor. A man whom I didn't know wrote me one of those letters that we ministers love to receive. Among other things, this man accused me of being an autocratic pastor and said that I ought to be fired with all the other autocratic pastors in our convention. He didn't know me, and he didn't know the situation in our church. I never answered this letter. He was looking for a fight, and it wasn't worth the time to respond to somebody who really didn't understand what had happened. I told my assistant to put the letter in a file that would gather dust, and then... I would leave the rest to God.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly,
Pray daily,
And then... leave the rest to God.
Love this. Best advice I received when I became a preachers wife was to be myself. Myself is not popular, but I do my best to love like Christ, pray a lot, and try to do no harm w my carnal self. I stand up to injustice...that always helps popularity, but I bite my tongue a lot too. I've gotten to the place I don't care if I'm liked as long as I know I'm trying to walk w God as close as I can. Spent way too many years trying to please people, time is too short and too precious.
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